1-800-IDidItYouCanToo

I sit on this swively chair before you in my favorite pair of sweatpants, an old musty army green tank top, and those poofy socks that you would never buy if you hadn't received for Christmas (but they are the most comfortable socks that have ever graced your feet). I might smell, but I have no one to smell me besides the fresh winter air through the cracked window. I should be at work--should be freshly showered and makeuped--should have my hair curled since the big transvestite convention was tonight and I feel it necessary for my self-esteem to look prettier than men. But, no, my people, I am here, smoking cigarettes and pondering if I should even leave the house today.
Now I know what Louis Armstrong meant by "What a Wonderful World." It's all making sense to me. The world is opening up and I am looking in and saying,
"I say Goodbye and you Say Hello?" Is this how it works. Marvelous.
So, with all this recent vindication for a job that lured me in like PennyWise from Stephen King's IT lured kids into the sewer with a balloon, I feel a little guilty.
"Guilty for what," you ask. Well, I'll tell you. I am not guilty for quitting on the spot and leaving them high and dry with no one to feed and intoxicate the transies. I feel guilty that all my fellow balloon chasers cannot share in this sudden elation that I feel. So, I have taken it upon myself to dispense to you the wisdom I have gained. Our motto here at 1-800-ididityoucantoo is this: Be broke and live in a box, but be happy.
In conclusion, I leave you with this: Quit your job and buy some puffy socks.

--by 9 X Vindicated=, The Boiler Room, 01/19/2006